Sometimes I wonder why I decided to take this path. I want to write music for the rest of my life and guess what, so does everyone else in this city. I know I have some people in my life that think that what I’ve chosen to do is not ideal or even possible to make a living doing, and frankly sometimes I think they’re right. Sometimes I start to think like them and then I also start to panic and wonder why I didn’t chose a career that is more secure and basically guaranteed to have a job straight out of college. I start to think about all the debt that I have and wonder how I’m ever going to get away from it.
Have I wasted this time in pursuing something that isn’t concrete? What happens if I never sell a single song? What if I’m stuck at a job that is meant to be a summer part-time job for the rest of my life? What if everyone that thinks this won’t work out is right?
The list could go on and on with my “what if’s”.
Honestly I don’t know how things are going to work out. Yes I still freak out about them on a daily basis, but I know that if I wasn’t meant to be where I am doing what I love then I wouldn’t be here. There have been so many open doors that I didn’t even pursue that I know I’m supposed to be here.
As I sit here writing down the thoughts that are constantly running around in my brain, I’m starting to realize that even if I don’t sell a single song I’m still going to be happy. I’m going to be happy because I’m doing what I love. I’m not doing it because I want to either; I’m doing it because I need to. It’s something that needs to be done and I can’t help it. It’s like breathing or blinking for me. I could stop if I wanted to but it won’t end well if I do.
I’ve had self-doubts about what I love and I know others have doubted me as well and trust me, I know I am not the most amazing songwriter, singer, musician; you can fill in the blank with anything really. What I do know though is that I can be the most amazing ME because I don’t want to give up on my passion.
I can give it all I’ve got despite what others think and I can work at becoming the best version of me that I can and that is what is going to count in the long run. Not how many songs I’ve sold or how far I’ve gotten in life. It’s always going to be about using my God-given talents the best way that I know how.
And no matter how many times I want to, giving up will never be a part of that. My talents and my purpose are not for men but for He who has given them to me. To waste them would be a terrible thing.
I’m not going to let whatever “what if’s” pop into my head keep me back from what I know I am supposed to do.