My mom had been sick since I was in 6th grade and being in college this year that makes her having fought her battle for 7 long years. She passed away on Wednesday April 16th 2014 at 9:59 am. I was with one of my really good friends when I found out. I didn’t cry. All could do was breath in and out rapidly as if I were going to hyperventilate.
I was thinking later about it: why didn’t I cry? Why was it that whenever I told the news to some of my closest friends I didn’t cry? And how’s come others who weren’t close to me at all could say one word and make me burst into unforgiving tears? Why can’t I be strong around strangers and yet I don’t feel like I can be weak around those who love me?
So as I layed in a hotel bed with two of my closest friends I finally figured it out. I suddenly realized why I don’t cry around the people I am closest to (right around the same time most of my epiphanies find me, which is usually sometime after 12:30 in the morning).
My closest friends know I keep things together and fixed. I’m what keeps them together when they fall apart. I’m there to put all the pieces back in place. Those who don’t know me have no clue that I am the glue. They can think that I’m like everyone else and that I fall apart sometimes. I don’t have to hold up my reputation to them of being said glue because they don’t know I that Im ever the glue at all.
I am the glue, I have always been the glue, and I always will be the glue.
That’s why I don’t want those closest to me see me cry. Because when glue gets wet things come apart…